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Effects of Divorce on Teen Behavior

Many teenagers act so mature that it can be hard to remember that they’re not yet adults. When a couple decides to divorce, they often worry about the impact on the younger children. But, the truth is that divorce often affects teenagers more than their younger siblings. This is the time when these emerging adults are finding themselves and deciding who they are. Removing their perceived safety net at this developmental stage, can cause them to become angry or depressed, making them act out in disturbing ways.

Things to Watch Out For

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you’re going through a divorce and notice any of the following behaviors, don’t wait for the trouble to blow over. Have a long talk with your teen and offer reassurance. If this doesn’t seem to work, don’t hesitate to seek counseling to help your teenager come to terms with the situation. Here are a few possible ways your teen might react to your divorce:

  • Skipping school
  • Dropping grades
  • Drug and alcohol use
  • Promiscuity
  • Breaking curfew
  • Withdrawing from the family
  • Acting disrespectful
  • Risky behavior including driving habits

Seek Professional Help to Assist Your Teen with this Change

Many couples allow older children, like teenagers, to choose the parent they would like to live with. Before going down this road, discuss the ramifications with the best divorce attorney Connecticut can offer. Although this idea sounds progressive and open, you will put a lot of pressure on your teenager by asking him or her to make this decision.

When considering divorce, it’s important to remember that this action will affect each member of the family in a different way. Take steps to help each person come through this difficult situation unscathed.

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Improving your Relationship with your Teenager

Parenting’s a tricky job, especially when it comes to teens. Don’t despair, though—there are ways to improve your relationship.

Keys to Communication:

Parents often find their relationship with their teen strained along communication lines. A few pointers will help keep conversations on track.

  • Don’t be condescending. Treat your teenagers as intelligent, mature individuals. You can include them in family discussions—and make sure to value their input as you would an adult’s. Likewise, don’t dismiss negotiating rules as arguing, and take what they say into consideration.
  • Spend time with your teenager other than while arguing or pointing out things that need improvement. Any successful relationship incorporates both the good and the bad. Whether it is movie time from www.direct.tv or dinner with them, make sure time spent is worth it.
  • Listen. The key to any successful communication, listening will show your child that you truly have their best interests at heart.

Quick to Criticize? Don’t Be!:

Parenting is a difficult balancing act. You want to look out for your children, but shouldn’t come down hard at every opportunity. Here’s how:

  • Don’t jump to judgments. Objectivity is key; you won’t always like everything your teen does. You may not share their style or taste in music, but keep an open mind.
  • Take yourself out of a power struggle. You can be a concerned parent, but pick your battles wisely. Focus on the important conversations, such as grades instead of clothing choice.
  • Make an effort to know their friends—and not in a judgmental way. Engage your teenager’s friends in real conversations.
  • Praise your kids for good things, too, instead of always criticizing.

With some patience, you can combine being a trusted confident with disciplining. When teenagers trust you, they might just want to do what you ask.

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Basic Skills Required for College

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Is your child academically ready to tackle on college? Even if your child is not completely ready academically, most universities offer non-credit remedial courses to help get your child to the level necessary for credit courses; however, you are paying for those remedial courses as if they were for credits toward a degree.

Every college is a little different. Generally speaking, most regionally accredited universities that are not considered ivy-league status require similar skills for successful students.

The main skills your child needs for college is grammar, writing, research, and reading. If your child can excel in those categories, the rest can be learned.

Some professors throw away college papers after x amount of grammatical errors, but most are aware that grammar has morphed into a creative process; however, if your child’s idea of a complete sentence is, “Although he will LOL when he sees that. SMH,” then your child is going to struggle in English Comp 1.

Students write everywhere in college, and if they aren’t writing, they are speaking. Content is most important, and critical thinking skills play an important role in content. Your child should be very familiar with literary devices used in literature as they will be using those in their writing.

One time waster many students struggle with is citation of sources. Google is an easy task for many children presently; however, properly citing where they got their information is not. They need to have a good understanding of MLA and APA format, with the focus based on their career choice.

College requires a lot of reading. It helps to really focus on main ideas and supporting details within a paragraph, and to use headings in note taking. Sometimes a study skills course can benefit even the smartest students.

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Help Your Teen Build Credit with an Auto Loan

Your teen has little hands-on cash, but she has just started her new summer job and wants to build some credit. She wonders if an auto loan will help, and comes to you for assistance.

Building credit with an auto loan can help. Here’s how:

  • Car refinance loans will enable your teen to purchase other things on credit in the future. With good management come greater opportunities such as the need for furniture, vacations, or a new motorcycle.
  • Credit scores are built based on how timely and regularly payments are made. When your teen makes regular payments, his/her credit score is built.
  • Your teen may already need a car to get to and from work. Getting that auto loan will help in both the commuting as well as the learning arena of your teen’s life.
  • Don’t hesitate to get an auto loan with an interest rate that is higher than you expected. Interest rates are often higher for teens without credit. After a year, refinance the loan and get the interest rate you want.
  • An auto loan will raise your teen’s credit score. If they pay more than the minimum payment their credit score will show it. Making double payments or a payment and a half per payment period is always helpful in improving a credit score.

When your teen builds credit, the success they feel will be on their own shoulders. Building credit is not only a good learning opportunity but a growing opportunity in building credit for future successes

 

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Understanding the Distance

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Teenagers are at a time in their lives when the world is beginning to open up in a number of ways. As they navigate through the changes occurring around them, sometimes they may find themselves feeling disconnected from those who love them most. Sometimes, the gap between parents and teens can seem like an insurmountable distance. Here is a window into the distance that lays between parent and teen.

Teens desire build their identity and claim independence. Nature seems to have hard-wired each person with the need to strike out on their own. Teenagers test boundaries. Many times that equals conflict with those who’ve been raising them all their lives. It can feel like a wild emotional ride on both ends.

When teenagers rebel, it’s easy to wonder where you’ve gone wrong. However, during these years, teens are still developing physically. The pre-frontal cortex of the brain undergoes construction. Hormonal changes that occur though puberty, coupled with finding their way in the world can become overwhelming.  An open line of communication is instrumental in paving the road to understanding. By allowing a frank discussion, with each side given their opportunity to be heard, you can help facilitate a space for your teen to express themselves. Other forms of mediation include support groups and counseling. Sometimes it’s easier for a person to open up in such situations.

Teens are individuals. The issues they may be facing might be common among their peers, but each person will react in their own way. Teens are in a place where they are not yet viewed as adults, but not children anymore. Communication and clear boundaries can help.

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Rules for Teens Dating

Date

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As your child gets older they are probably showing interest in the opposite sex. This is a very tough time for you as a parent. You don’t want to have to worry about your child and the dangers of what dating can bring, but at the same time you know that you can’t keep them from dating and that you have to be smart enough to let them learn and grow on their own. This doesn’t mean, however, that you can’t set some rules up so that they are focused on the rest of their life, even if they begin to date.

You must establish rules for the house, and they must be unflinching. This means that you should set a rule of no person of the opposite sex in their room. This only sets up a recipe for disaster. You want to make sure that they keep any company they have over in a common area. A rarely used basement, bedroom or office could all be places for trouble.

Additionally you want to make sure you are limiting their cell phone minutes and texts. These days kids are glued to that sort of technology. Giving them unlimited minutes is too much. Limit both their texts and their minutes so they can get work done. Monitor their usage. If they are getting close to going over you can simply have them shut the phone down.

These are the rules for dating. They should be unflinchingly rigid. You want your kids to experience that aspect of life, but you want them to keep it under control. This is part of the process.

 

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Benefits to Travel

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Sometimes the best education you can provide your pre-teens and teens is travel. In the United States, the best skill you can have for the current job market is social skills, which also entail developing healthy relationships with your peers.

Teenagers are at the age where they are in search for their identity, and they base this off their own knowledge and experiences. Many assume they already know everything they need to know, which makes many parents laugh maniacally. If their hometown is all they have to pull experience from, then they really don’t know much socially beyond their own community.

In their struggle to find their identity, it is very common for teenagers to get lost in the “me world.” Everything is about them. The way you dress is about them. The notion that you may not have the money to get them a mustang as their first car might not appeal to them. Children who travel a lot and see different cultures at play generally somehow naturally gain a better understanding of their role within the world.

Diversity is a big deal in this era. Many cultures have historically come together in the United States to form a great nation; however, in this era with the age of technology, everything is global. Even many small businesses now reach an international market. While learning a second language may seem like a very obvious skill to help ensure success, learning about other cultures and what makes people tick worldwide will provide better assurance to that success.

While international travel is sometimes the best travel you can get for educational purposes, even military brats who mainly lived in different states have developed a lot of these skills. Learning the transition and adaptation techniques with different cultures or subcultures is the primary goal, and even traveling within your continent can be beneficial.

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Does College not Appeal to your Teenager?

Many parents get head strong at believing a college education is the only way to succeed in this life, and some kids really loathe the idea of college. No fear. College is not the only way to succeed; in fact, if an individual has no desire to attend college, that individual probably won’t succeed with it. Two other options to consider…

Military

While the idea of deploying to a combat zone does not sound appealing for a parent to wish upon their children, the military is often a great place for people who wish to serve their country, even if it means fighting in a war. The U.S. military offers a contract removing the “at will” nature of many jobs; in addition, they offer free training, free college, a base pay, different types of extra pay, free housing and food (or a stipend for such things), access to free legal representation, and access to many services. Active duty members also often get to travel to different places, and they get to wear a cool looking uniform complete with authentic dog tags. Keep in mind many enlisted have a hard time finding a job after separation; however, many officers, especially those with multiple college degrees, find themselves choosing between many well-paid jobs.

Apprenticeships

No matter how bad the economy gets, this world will always need skilled labor such as electricians, plumbers, HVAC, carpenters, mill wrights, masons, welders, and so forth. In most cases in the U.S., you can join the union to gain apprenticeship experience, but some companies hire entry level apprentices (though they may later require you to join a union). As you gain experience, you move up job skills which usually include a nice hike in pay. Apprentices usually earn on average $10 to $20 an hour while Journeyman (usually after 5 years of experience) can earn an average of $30 an hour. Most of these jobs come with full benefits, retirement, and overtime and holiday pay (like you get double and a half if you work Christmas Day).

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Goal Setting with your Teen

Your child is getting to an age where his priorities are probably starting to contradict with yours as a parent. Sitting down and talking with your child is a positive step in their development, and while the effects are generally not immediate, you are planting a seed and those discussions will be remembered for a lifetime. Keep in mind your child is now an individual who is hitting the age of reasoning, so the methods you used when your child was a toddler are not going to be fitting now (such as the “because I said so” approach).

Erickson’s stages of cognitive development state at the teenage years, your child should be focusing on their identity trying to discover who they are, establishing their standards and principles on life, deciding who they want to become, and trying to merge their past experiences into their future potential. In the spirit of these events, they often try to shy away from responsibilities and are less apt to make commitments.

Discussing goals is a great way to find a compromise between your expectations of your child and your child’s individuality. At this time in their life where they are trying to discover who they are and who they want to become, goal setting is a perfect opportunity for you as a parent to help guide them through this process without forcing them to commit to the goals. Do this regularly because as their ideals change, so will their goals.

Some types of goals to work on include learning goals such as academics, educational activities, college planning, career planning, etc. In addition, spirituality, finances, housekeeping, athletics, and social goals are very important.

The purpose of goal setting isn’t necessarily in this case to set and achieve goals as much as to act as a tool to help establish a focus and discuss your expectations and your child’s desires as well as opening up the lines of communication for other issues such as love, sex, drugs, alcohol, friendships, ethics, morality, and everything you are having a hard time getting your teen to openly discuss.

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Parent vs. Teacher: Working Together to Enhance Education

Education seems to be at the top of everyone’s list in today’s world. Even the Black Eyed Peas, performing at the recent Super Bowl, entreated the President to fix an educational system perceived as needing substantial improvements. In the current climate, teachers are held to strict accountability standards pinned on high-stakes testing. However, these tests don’t account for discipline that takes place at home—and that’s just what many teachers pinpoint as a key ingredient for a successful education. The current debate of teacher accountability often pits parent against teacher in determining responsibility for children’s learning.

Role of the Teacher:

Grading systems that judge teachers solely on high-stakes test performances of students hold teachers accountable for matters beyond their control. A child’s family situation and own motivation may hinder (or help) performance, regardless of teacher ability. At the same time, it would be naïve to dismiss the need to hold teachers to certain standards for educating their children, just as it’s important to keep sight of the value of pushing kids to achieve their full potential.

Role of the Parent:

Parents play a complex role in the debate as well. Good parenting and discipline can inspire a child to succeed, while parental disinterest may allow a child to neglect their education. Indeed, teachers under pressure from standardized accountability systems often cry out for greater parental involvement. Of course, a great teacher can inspire a child from the most difficult of backgrounds to achieve towering heights.

Placing the blame ignores the bigger picture—parents and teachers need to work together to identify the unique needs of each child. Each party should take the time to talk to kids and see what and how they’re learning. Good parenting and inspiring teaching together can “fix” education.

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